Pokemon Adventure
March 28, 2024, 01:04:35 pm
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Welcome to the Site!!!!
 
  Home   Forum   Help Search Arcade Gallery Addled Staff List Login Register  

claws join up application [Accepted]

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: claws join up application [Accepted]  (Read 106 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Claw
Jr. Member
**

Awesomeness 0
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 57



View Profile
Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Poll Voter
« on: June 21, 2010, 06:09:07 pm »


Character Name: Claw
Starting Region: kanto
Trainer Class:   Trainer
Starter Pokemon: Charmander
Starter Nickname: Chaos
Starter Gender: male
Role Play Example:  Claw awoke from a deep sleep one morning to find the window next to his bed had been smashed, as if a rock had been thrown through it. He sat up and looked around the room, there was no sign of any rock but there was a poke ball!  he shook his head and looked again and  it was sure enough a poke ball. claw heard a noise from behind him that made him jump, he realized it was only the sound of smashing glass.

Claws life has been pretty weird from when his parents died. They died in a car accident. He ran away from the childrens home and found an abandoned house.

he went to pick up the poke ball to see if it was real but he was interrupted by a knock at the door. he put on some randome clothes and ran to the door  he opened it an inch or two and saw a 9 year old childs grining face. the child squirted claw in the face whit a water gun and ran off. Claw angrily slammed the door shut and walked back to his bedroom to inspect the poke ball.
He threw it in the air and catched it a couple of times then he pressed the button on it. an orange pokemon whit a cream coulored belly and a flaming tail appeared, it was a charmander! for some reason claw flashed back to the day when he explored this house when he went in the basement there was a ghastly which attacked him. Ever since that day he left the basement door locked and barricaded. but now since he had a pokemon... claw returned the charmander and went downstairs to the basement door. he pushed the barricade of chairs and a table to the side and opened the door  to the dark  dungeon, he slowly walked down the creaky stairs.when suddenly  the ghastly appeared out of thin air and started towards him.

Claw sent out his newly found pokemon to fight the ball of darkness, the charmander was confused and ran from the ghastly but he tripped over. the ghastly changed course and headed at an easier prey but before he reached the helpless charmander  it burst into flames and hit the ground. The flames seemed to come from nowhere but it was the charmander who set fire to the evil pokemon he started shooting flames in every direction setting fire to old chairs and the wooden floorboards. Very soon the house would be burnt to the ground claw returned the scared pokemon and ran up the wooden steps which were setting on fire as well. he opened the front door and lept outside and across the road were he he stopped to rest from all the exitment.

claw could hear sirens in the distance soon he would have to deal whith the police and tell them what happened ...  unless he  ran away again


sorry about the picture, i just dont really have one.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2011, 08:57:03 am by Nicola » Report Spam   Logged

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Aura
Guest

Badges: (View All)
« Reply #1 on: June 22, 2010, 04:55:59 am »

Aaron, even though I'm not a mod, I've still go somethings to say:

1. I can't see your picture at all. This isn't a problem, but you might want to fix it. Unless it's just my computer (which it probably is)
2. How many people do you know that would call their child 'Claw'? It's not a normal name, unless it's a nickname or a name taken for themselves. And If you're going to throw Dusk's name back at me, well I've heard of it being an name anyway.
3. You'll want to put some capitals in there. Chaos rather than chaos. He rather than he. You get the idea.
Report Spam   Logged
Dani~
Generic dot is generic.
Global Moderator
Worthy
*

Awesomeness -9001
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 840



View Profile
Badges: (View All)
Tenth year Anniversary Nineth year Anniversary Eighth year Anniversary
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2010, 06:45:22 am »

It's not your computer, Aura. But anyway, I also have something to add.

4. A few fullstops and commors (I fail at spelling that word) are missing.
Report Spam   Logged
Jake
Global Moderator
Lord of Spam
*

Awesomeness 0
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1264


View Profile
Badges: (View All)
Fifth year Anniversary Combination Topic Starter
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2010, 09:05:52 am »

commors

You mean comma's? this things? , <---right there?
Report Spam   Logged

(<---Bio)
Nicola
Administrator
Worthy
*

Awesomeness 1
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 885



View Profile
Badges: (View All)
Mobile User Tenth year Anniversary Nineth year Anniversary
« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2010, 09:32:24 am »

I have something to add, too. I think your character seems off in his own world here; things happen to him and he doesn't appear to notice or have any reaction. Might someone wonder what someone was doing, throwing a Pokeball through his window? Or maybe get annoyed when a kid squirted a water gun into his face? Or perhaps feel afraid when trying to escape a house about to burn down? Try including what your character feels about the things happening around him.
Report Spam   Logged


Shinx

Nickname: Bolt
Gender: Male; Personality: Jolly
Ability: Intimidate, Holding: Nothing
Happiness: 250, Level: 14; Experience: 5/14
Tackle   Leer
Charge Bite

Lucario

Nickname: Crystal
Gender: Female, Personality: Gentle
Ability: Steadfast, Holding: Silk Scarf
Happiness: 250, Level: 13, Experience: 8.5/13
Quick Attack   Force Palm
Endure   Counter

Corsola

Nickname: Aqua
Gender: Female, Personality: Naïve
Ability: Hustle, Natural Cure, Holding: Oran Berry
Happiness: 190, Level: 8, Experience: 3.5/8
Tackle   Harden
Bubble

Growlithe

Nickname: Donut
Gender: Male, Personality: Serious
Ability: Intimidate & Flash Fire, Holding: Nothing
Happiness: 80, Level: 10, Experience: 0/10
Bite   Roar
Ember   Leer
<--My Bio
Claw
Jr. Member
**

Awesomeness 0
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 57



View Profile
Badges: (View All)
Combination Topic Starter Poll Voter
« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2010, 09:57:17 am »

sorry about the role play example it was past midnight when i did it, but i have edited it a bit.
Report Spam   Logged
Jo
Administrator
Lord of Spam
*

Awesomeness 2
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1770



View Profile
Badges: (View All)
Fifth year Anniversary Fourth year Anniversary Spammer 50 Posts in one day
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2010, 11:42:44 am »

Apart from the odd capital and piece of grammar (if you go over that again, I'd be glad!), the story was enticing and I felt for Claw. I guess Claw is his name because his parents failed to name him before dying, thus he named himself? So, apart from those minor issues, you're more or less accepted. ^^
Report Spam   Logged

Biography

Umbreon
Nickname: Tails
Gender: Female; Personality: Timid
Ability: ~Synchronize~, Holding: Oran Berry
Happiness: 250, Level: 14; Experience: 12.5/14
Tackle
Tail Whip
Shadow Ball
Sand Attack

Nidoran♂
Nickname: Toxin
Gender: Male, Personality: Timid
Ability: ~Poison Point~, ~Rivalry~ Holding: Rawst Berry
Happiness: 210, Level: 15, Experience: 8/15
Double Kick
Peck
Focus Energy
Poison Sting

 Skorupi
 Nickname: N/A
 Gender: Male, Personality: Brave
 Ability: ~Battle Armour~, ~Sniper~, Holding: N/A
 Happiness: 80, Level: 5, Experience: 0/5
Bite
Poison Sting
---
---
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  


Cgal

Hi, Nicola here - the forum seems to not like the Cgal embed anymore, but if you still want to leave a once-every-few-years "hello", the chat box itself still exists and you can access it here: [link]

Powered by EzPortal
Bookmark this site! | Upgrade This Forum
SMF For Free - Create your own Forum

Powered by SMF | SMF © 2016, Simple Machines
Privacy Policy
Page created in 0.043 seconds with 28 queries.