Taylor Grange Application [Complete]

[Radboy66]

Character Name: Taylor Grange
Starting Region: Kanto
Trainer Class: Trainer
Starter Pokemon: Totodile
Starter Nickname: N/A
Starter Gender: Male
Role Play Example:

It was a hot, sunny day. . . It was also the first day of summer.  Taylor was so excited that school was finally over with, he had graduated high school with fantastic grades and now he starts his career as a Pokemon Trainer.  His older brother, James, was one of the greatest Pokemon Trainers in his family and Taylor had always dreamed of taking on his brother and beating him.  But, Taylor knew that he would have to train long and hard to get to that point.  His brother after all had beaten the Elite 4 and the Champion countless of times.

Taylor was 18 years of age, he had red hair and green eyes.  He was the younger of the two children in his family.  His father passed away when he was a young boy and it had been him and his mother for almost 5 years now.  James, his older brother, 23 years old and he had brown hair with green eyes as well.  He had been training Pokemon for 4 years and had been qualified to be the Champion, but he had always turned the title down when he defeated the Pokemon League Champion, Lance.

Taylor was sitting at the dinning room table, enjoying a delicious peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich.  It was his favorite meal and he ate it everyday for lunch.  Joining him at the table was his mother, who wanted to cry because she knew that Taylor would be leaving her that day and she would be alone.  "Come on, Mom.  Don't be sad, I will always call you when I reach a new town," Taylor said, realizing just how sad his mother was,

"How can I not be sad, you're the only person that I have left here with me and you are leaving today," cried Kelsey, his mother, "And you better promise that you will always call when you get to the PokeCenter in each and every town you go to.  I want to make sure that you are okay and doing well.  I would hate to lose contact with you.  And if you see your brother, can you tell him to pick-up a phone and call home every once in a while?"

"I Promise and I will tell him when I see him."

* * * * *

Later that day. . . Taylor, now in his room, was getting ready to go.  It was just a short walk from his house to Prof. Oak's Lab, where he would be receiving a special-ordered Pokemon named Totodile.  He couldn't wait.  Totodile was his favorite Pokemon since the time he watched his father battle Prof. Oak with the trio of Totodile, Croconaw, and Feraligatr about two years before he died.  Taylor's mother gave the Pokemon to a good friend, and they took them back to the Hoenn Region.  But now, Taylor would be getting his very own Totodile and will be able to compete like his dad did.

Taylor opened the front door, grabbed his bag of the floor and headed east towards Prof. Oak's Lab.  He was so excited he had trouble controlling himself. . . All he wanted to do was scream with excitement and run all the way to the lab.  It was the start of his travels and experiences in the world of Pokemon.

[Nicola]

Although I'm not an Admin and can't accept your application, I think that it looks pretty good. I do, however, have a few pointers for you.

First of all, your roleplay is supposed to be in past tense, correct? There are several instances where you switch to present tense. Instead of 'has' use 'had', change 'would eat' to 'ate', and instead of 'now' use 'then', for starters. I think after you read it through again you'll be able to catch the rest of those tense switches.

The rest is pretty minor, like one incorrect use of 'your', when your character says "I'll will", and the comma at the end of a paragraph.

Besides those small things, your application is in great shape! Good luck on acceptance. :)

[Radboy66]

Although I'm not an Admin and can't accept your application, I think that it looks pretty good. I do, however, have a few pointers for you.

First of all, your roleplay is supposed to be in past tense, correct? There are several instances where you switch to present tense. Instead of 'has' use 'had', change 'would eat' to 'ate', and instead of 'now' use 'then', for starters. I think after you read it through again you'll be able to catch the rest of those tense switches.

The rest is pretty minor, like one incorrect use of 'your', when your character says "I'll will", and the comma at the end of a paragraph.

Besides those small things, your application is in great shape! Good luck on acceptance. :)

Hey thanks for the help, I went through and fixed it up a bit.

[Nicola]

Still a couple tense switches left in the first two paragraphs and there's still a comma at the end of a paragraph. Overall, though, it looks much better. :D

[Radboy66]

Still a couple tense switches left in the first two paragraphs and there's still a comma at the end of a paragraph. Overall, though, it looks much better. :D

Did I get them all this time?

[Nicola]

Let's make this a little easier...

It was a hot, sunny day. . . It was also the first day of summer.  Taylor was so excited that school was finally over with, he had graduated high school with fantastic grades and now he gets to start his career as a Pokemon Trainer.  His older brother, James, was one of the greatest Pokemon Trainers in his family and Taylor has always dreamed of taking on his brother and beating him.  But, Taylor knew that he would have to train long and hard to get to that point.  His brother after all has beaten the Elite 4 and the Champion countless of times.

Taylor was 18 years of age, he had red hair and green eyes.  He was the younger of the two children in his family.  His father passed away when he was a young boy and it had been him and his mother for almost 5 years now.  James, his older brother, is 23 and he has brown hair with green eyes as well.  He had been training Pokemon for 4 years and is qualified to be the Champion, but he always turns the title down when he defeats the Pokemon League Champion, Lance.

All the bold, orange verbs are the ones that are still in present tense. I figured this would be quicker than asking you to scout them out five more times. XD

[Radboy66]

I think it is good now. Grammar/English was never my best subject.

[Nicola]

It's excellent! Thanks for listening to my grammar nagging. :D

[Radboy66]

Lol, thank you for helping.

[Jake]

Accepted.

[Nicola]

And your Bio has been made! Congrats. :)